“ You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant. ”

“ No matter how great the talent or efforts, some things just take time. You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant. ”

“ The most important thing to do if you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging. ”

“ When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. ”

“ Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. ”

“ God created war so that Americans would learn geography. ”

“ Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. ”

“ A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. ”

“ If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. ”

“ Laugh as much as you choose, but you will not laugh me out of my opinion. ”

“ I have not the pleasure of understanding you. ”

“ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ”